BLAKE DEATHLY

The honest answer to the male horniness–I mean “loneliness” epidemic.

June 24, 2022, was a day of mourning for most, when the Dobbs decision was officially announced. The draft of the decision was anonymously leaked in March earlier that year, but the news on that June day stung hard. My heart sank lower than it ever had before. I’m a woman, but I’m also a black woman. My ancestors, my own grandmother, had withstood worse conditions, so I felt I had to remain resilient and prepare for whatever obstacles people with uteruses would encounter, since we would encounter them together in solidarity.

It has been a nightmare. Now that abortion is mandated at the state-level, meaning if I live in a state, like Texas for example, I cannot receive abortion care, but if I live in a different state like Minnesota, I can most likely access an abortion without too many legal hurdles. Since there are a variety of laws across the country, physicians are sometimes hesitant on how to act with the health of pregnant women, regardless if they are planning on keeping their pregnancy or ending it.

Yep. Even women who were planning for children have fallen victim to abortion no longer being protected. This is because there is no difference between having to treat a miscarriage that needs medical intervention and an abortion. They both require the use of the medications Mifepristone and Misoprostol. The former stops the fetus from continuing to grow, and the latter expels the tissue to empty the uterus.

Because the mechanics are the same, this puts doctors in a very grey area in many states. Georgia, for example, recently studied the post Dobbs decision maternal mortality cases, and found several that could have been prevented if abortion wasn’t in such a grey legal area. These women wanted to become mothers, and some already were. They did everything “right,” and still got caught in the vicious anti-bodily autonomy war, and paid with their dear lives.

I’m not going to say his name, but the “your body, my choice” guy really sums it all together. It was finally explicitly outlined that as people with uteruses, we are in danger. We are no longer guaranteed bodily autonomy. The playing field is more tilted in their favor for the first time ever in over 50 years. We are only a few generations removed from when women couldn’t open their own bank account without their father or husband’s name also on the account.

As the contradictions grow even sharper, some are licking their chops to get a mommy bangmaid tied to them forever by trapping her with a baby. But people aren’t putting up with that anymore.

It was finally explicitly outlined that as people with uteruses, we are in danger. We are no longer guaranteed bodily autonomy.

From here on out, I will mostly be referring to cis-men/women hetero relationships, as I am not queer really and don’t want to speak for experiences that aren’t mine for other non-men.

I’m in my mid-thirties, and I’ve been on like, a lot of dates between the handful of longterm relationships I’ve had. When you meet a man, they either get it, or they don’t. How else can I explain this? They either see you as a human with your own perspective and learned experiences that are different than theirs, yet should still be appreciated, or they suffer from some disease where they can’t possibly consider you as on the same playing field as them and need to be dominated by their dick. The evolutionary leap from main character syndrome to understanding empathy was never made for some, summed up by that whole bear or man discourse that happened over the past year. Some will even claim victim saying “I didn’t choose to be born this gender.” And yet, still benefit from the patriarchal structure of society fueled by capitalism. It’s equivalent to someone saying they can’t help that they were born white. The boys who cry misandry don’t understand that it doesn’t exist. Misogyny breeds violence, misandry spawns women who want to simply be away from men.

This is what I’ve been referring to as “Adapt or Die!” Women do not want to be around or procreate with men who haven’t made the evolutionary leap yet to treat a partner like a human. There are some who make it through the cracks, like the men who only go mask off after a woman has their baby by calling their postpartum partner a “fucking cunt.” Or the ones who actually hate you and actively make your life a living hell by acting purposefully incompetent. I don’t have a lot of experience in these relationships, but I have married and partnered friends.

It feels like a part of their brain never developed, and their lineages and legacies of Arby’s receipts and medical debt are doomed to fizzle out like dying stars. Women are scolded for having standards, and told they need to “not focus on looks” when in reality the Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater couples exist all over the place. And this is fine, because some people have three-dimensional relationships, and the ones missing out on this are severely lacking. It’s not because you’re ugly, it’s because you’re not evolved, babe.

If you’ve made this this far, congratulations. We’re almost done.

Over 80% of pregnancy-related deaths were determined to be preventable per the CDC. When I think about having a partner who I would have kids with, they have to understand the gravity of what risks the only one involved in the gestation take. The guy I do this with has to be really fucking special and trustworthy, is what I’m trying to say. Instead of wallowing in thinking that women need to adjust to you, maybe just like, I don’t know…not suck? Listen to women’s voices? Seek out valid friendships with all genders and see who you get along with?

It feels like a part of their brain never developed, and their lineages and legacies of Arby’s receipts and medical debt are doomed to fizzle out like dying stars.

“What is she bringing to the table? What do I get out of it?” Not everything is transactional. That’s not how reproductive labor works. In order to function in society and have our labor replenished, we rely on something called reproductive labor, also known as “invisible labor.” How do the workers eat/who makes the food? Who refills the soap? The dishes? Who mops the floors and makes sure the domicile for the worker is in order? Invisible labor is unpaid, necessary labor that gets done outside of your paid work hours. From maintaining a household calendar, to remembering the kids’ teachers’ names and running them to doctors’ appointments. The brunt of this usually falls on the woman in the nuclear family. This is why so many women are becoming unsatisfied, because usually they are doing the unpaid labor without help from the other adult in the family, oftentimes while also working a full time paid job. That’s a lot of fucking work.

The transactional aspect with un-evolved men really bothers me, how can someone go through life constantly acting like everything is tit for tat game theory? Instead of seeing your partner as an opposite being, seeing them as a complementary teammate doing their part to achieve a common goal is a much better, more sustainable approach.

The male loneliness epidemic is due to lack of adaptation to the new elevated social environment we’re all a part of which requires mutual respect, not because I don’t want to sleep with some guy named Steve who can’t point to France on a map.